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  1. #1


    Im starin out the window and to look into the sky i see the trees swayin while life is passin by
    Im askin what am i gon do
    I gotta spit truth amd nuthin but truth
    But when -----s reappear and get up in ya ear sayin all the good shit u wanna hear
    And then ya fuckin change and the people dont like it-
    But u keep fightin hopin that somebody might buy it
    See U aint real and its become apparent
    Lookin bak at the past and u cant even compare it
    What the fuck happened it just went down hill-
    So did ya skill tumblin like jack and jill
    Ya lookin for the light but cant find it in the daytime
    Ya words dont speak now-
    Its like a panamime
    But its fine -stay there on ya grind-
    With 50 50 boardslide like tonyhawk in his prime

    did this in like 10 minutes on my iphone
    check me out at on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

  2. #2
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
    Join Date
    14 Nov 2008

    Default Re:

    this was ok...i know you did this from an iPhone so i assume that the lack of structure is from that. other than structure the only thing i would advise you to do as an improvement is an addition of wordplay like giving statements double meaning, perhaps use forshadowing, metaphors, similies, etc... other than keep writing cause u def have raw skill u just need to tune it up. keep up

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