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Thread: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

  1. #1

    Default Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    i was tryin to be a bit more complex with the rhyme scheme in this one, please let me know what u think and if its worth carryin on with

    to be specific when i spit rhymes its terrific
    horrific hieroglyphics when i spit it i rip it
    when i step up to the mic its a lyrical miracle
    a satirical ridicule your condition is critical
    im a product of modern day culture, a vulture
    and when i flow my lyrics will shock ya
    i got ya, leave u fearin me cos i mock ya
    and rock ya more than a metallica concert
    believe me u better hear me and then fear me
    adhere me or body parts are injured severely
    its clear G, just dont fuckin come near me
    cos im ready to blow i will happily spear thee
    straight through the heart leave you dearly depart
    this is in art, step to me ill rip you apart
    and we can do it physically lyrically or academically
    or i can do it rambo and kill your whole crew systemically

  2. #2
    Member Amviscious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    boy your rhymes are getting tougher and tougher, but again I just feel you need to expand your horizons on your topics, switch it up, you still rhymin the same shit, but your rhymes are getting tough, shit keep it up, I was feeling this one.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amviscious View Post
    boy your rhymes are getting tougher and tougher, but again I just feel you need to expand your horizons on your topics, switch it up, you still rhymin the same shit, but your rhymes are getting tough, shit keep it up, I was feeling this one.
    cheers! i know its rhymin about the same topics but as im familiar with the topic i figured it would be a good place to start with the more complex rhyme scheme. kinda made it easier for me to think of rhymes i guess. thanx for the feed

  4. #4
    Member Amviscious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Base Head View Post
    cheers! i know its rhymin about the same topics but as im familiar with the topic i figured it would be a good place to start with the more complex rhyme scheme. kinda made it easier for me to think of rhymes i guess. thanx for the feed
    yea I hear you on that, you're just getting your rhyme scheme down, now it's just time to expand your mind. What I do is whenever I'm working or just chillin in my free time I'm constantly brainstorming about topic to rhyme about and different lyrics or flows, and when something I like comes to me I put it down on paper. Give it a try, you'd be surprised about some of the shit you think of.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    Yea i think im startin to get my rhyme scheme pinned. Ill try broadening my topics and see what happens. Cheers for the advice.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    this is much better, this is actually impressive, Im interested in being able to see you do this with other topics

  7. #7
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    nicely done son. im impressed.

  8. #8
    Senior Member jefpeace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    I'm not a big fan of "look at me" rhymes. There's ALWAYS someone better than you, so braggadacio is just in poor taste in my opinion. As for the rhyme itself, there's some good writing here and cadence or flow is good. I just think your efforts would be better spent writing about the things around you rather than with schoolyard theatrics. Seriously, brah, write about things that matter, you've got the potential.

  9. #9
    Registered User chizop34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    Quote Originally Posted by jefpeace View Post
    I'm not a big fan of "look at me" rhymes. There's ALWAYS someone better than you, so braggadacio is just in poor taste in my opinion. As for the rhyme itself, there's some good writing here and cadence or flow is good. I just think your efforts would be better spent writing about the things around you rather than with schoolyard theatrics. Seriously, brah, write about things that matter, you've got the potential.
    I Used to Be on that same" Look At Meh" rhymes...I learned The Hard Way that There's alwayz somebody Better than you, plus anybody can talk that ish...But only the really true can Release Flowz that hit home like a Knife to tha chest...So like
    JefPeace Said " your efforts would be better spent writing about the things around you rather than with schoolyard theatrics "
    Roo

  10. #10
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default Re: Work In Progress.. PLEASE FEED!

    Yeh im feelin this, you got some mean rhymes. AndI'm like you with the 'Look at meh' rhymes, I do it because its an easy subject to rhyme to and it lets you focus more on flows etc. KUTGW

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