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Thread: ... The sky has faded

  1. #1

    Default ... The sky has faded

    The sky has faded, to an unearthly figure.
    Shadows blanket my unknowing existence.
    Scars of the past developed my uncertainty.
    A world upside down, circled by loneliness.
    Asthmatic memories haunt my being,
    Drowning expectations I once had.
    The sky has faded, to a blurry figure.
    Shadows hover my lifes entirety.
    A blended picture of scars feast on my soul.
    A world torn in two, disfigured and atrocious.
    Unhealthy moments pursue my future,
    To submerge my dreams in a pool of agony.

    The sky has faded.

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  2. #2
    Straight Up Piff A. Woods's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    My creative writing teacher would have torn you apart for this....mostly because it lacks solid imagery and it's very universal meaning it's not very unique/personal.


    I think it's a good start though, but the biggest step is make it more personal to you. Otherwise it's more like a verse in a card that can apply to anyone, rather that just you who wrote it.

    But keep em coming...

  3. #3

    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    The sky has faded, to an unearthly figure.
    (I no longer have a god to pray to)
    Shadows blanket my unknowing existence.
    (I'm confused as to who I am, and where I'm going.)
    Scars of the past developed my uncertainty.
    (my father, if he will ever come around again.)
    A world upside down, circled by loneliness.
    Asthmatic memories haunt my being,
    Drowning expectations I once had.
    (Referring to my day in court)
    The sky has faded, to a blurry figure.
    (No longer have a god to pray to)
    Shadows hover my lifes entirety.
    A blended picture of scars feast on my soul.
    (Memories of the past eat me alive inside)
    A world torn in two, disfigured and atrocious.
    Unhealthy moments pursue my future,
    To submerge my dreams in a pool of agony.
    (Killing any expectation I might make it through)

    The sky has faded.

    .................................................. ...................................

    this actually was really personal... read into it and you'll understand...
    thanks for the feed man for real though... wun

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  4. #4
    Straight Up Piff A. Woods's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    I suppose...but I dunno, to me it still seems vague and mysterious, like you don't want who is reading it to really know what it's about, so in the end the reader feels tricked into reading something and not understanding any of it...

    Anyway, that creative writing class I had drilled this kind of stuff into my head, so now it's stuck there...ha

  5. #5

    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    lol

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  6. #6
    Silent Productions ThugLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    good work
    could really understand it after your second post

  7. #7

    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    thanks for the feed man... yeah its really deep i know

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  8. #8
    Livin the Atheist life Cesare Borgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    I liked it, thought it was pretty deep.

  9. #9

    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    thanks cesare

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  10. #10
    Livin the Atheist life Cesare Borgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them
    above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!"
    Is that a personal quote lol

  11. #11

    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    yeah, i was drunk... dont ask lol

    [img][/img]

    "Problems are the price you pay for progress."

  12. #12
    Registered User gotbizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    thats tight yo i just read it good luck on ur next one:thumbup:

  13. #13
    Registered User gotbizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    R.I.P Proof he was a mans mans lol Rest in peace proof

  14. #14
    Registered User gotbizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    im ur lawyer u going to jail unless u pay me big hehe

  15. #15
    Registered User gotbizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: ... The sky has faded

    he prolly was drunk but still kool give me a newport u owe me lol j/p n e ways hit yo boi up earn that fake cake

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