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Thread: Sleep At Night

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default Sleep At Night

    Here's my attempt to a song I did a while back, just want y'all to check it. It needs a little work and maybe a 3rd verse.

    Chorus:
    The Lost Souls At The Crossroads, You Don't Need A Light
    God Will Take Your Hand, Just Squeeze It Tight
    They Deceased Now They Rest In Peace Feel It Right
    Now They Got A Home That They Can Sleep At Night

    Woke Up This Morning To The Scope Of Rainy Weather/
    No Food, No Shelter But He Hoping Days Going To Get Better/
    Forever, Until His Demise He Scraping For Life/
    On The Floor Praying To God To Please Take His Life/
    Is God Listening? Maybe The Man Ain't Speaking Too Clearly/
    Can't You Feel His Heart Skipping A Beat, His Eyes Real Teary, He Really/
    At Wits End, Looking Back, Reminiscing, Wishing/
    Things Could Be Different Like He Could Go Back And Start From The Beginning/
    Fishing For A Better Way, A Better Life/
    His Target Is The Garbage, Food For The Night/
    This Shit Ain't Right, He Contemplating Getting Locked Up/
    For A Roof Over His Head And To Eat A Bowl Of Hot Grub/
    Kids Keep Taking The Micky, Laughing, Spitting At Him/
    Throwing Sticks And Stones, And Even Kicking Shit At Him/
    Its Tragic, He Homeless, He Cant Even Breathe At Times/
    Food For Thought, Think About Him Before You Sleep At Night/

    Meet This Lady, She Only Thirty But She Look Much Older/
    Sweaty Palms, Tracks Down Her Arms She Don't Stay Sober/
    The Nights Grow Colder, Her Addictions Just Like A Boulder/
    Getting Harder To Hold, Her Family Disowned Her/
    Sipping Gin, Injecting Heroin More Than A Dope Smoker/
    But You Can Only Climb The Ropes That God Throws Ya/
    Now She Prostituting, On The Block She Boosting/
    Shooting Up Her Profit, Leaving Her With Empty Pockets/
    Her Life? Don't Mock It, Once So Beautiful, Look What The Rock Did/
    First Class Trip To Heaven And She's In The Cockpit/
    Praying For A Better Day, Looking For A Better Way/
    Her Chapter's Closing, She's Shaking, Dying From Aids/
    Prostitute Drug Addict Was How She Now Plyed Her Trade/
    She's Sorry For All The Problems, Her Life Fades, Her Eyes Glaze/
    Her Life Cascades, How Can The World Be So Cruel To One Soul/
    But It's Not One Soul, It's A Problem Across The Whole Globe/

  2. #2

    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Good drop homie, this hit hard, like u said yourself it does need a bit of touchin up and a third verse would top it off but this is a good start to what could be a great track, id suggest workin on this one. Keep it real Bro!!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Yeh, I wrote this a lil while ago and tbh I felt this song the most after I'd written it. And the 2 characters in the song were based on 2 people from my town. They both dead now, so I guess its kinda fitting.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Thats what u gottta write about homie, real stuff that people can relate to, i know it can be emotionally hard to write about things like this, especially if its somethin close to ya but at the end of the day its a great way to release your feelins and let other people hear it. Kinda seklf therapy. Keep it real man, illbe lookin out for more from u

  5. #5
    Registered User chizop34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Sry...Its sad to hear that those are ppl you knew...
    On da song tip tho..No 3rd Verse Iz Needed...Just a 4 bar Bridge At the end of each verse...Same az your Hook...it would keep the song strong and short but will keep the Listener interested. Ya Feel Meh...
    And A lil Cutting of the Verse would be good to keep it flowing....

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Nah I didnt mean I knew them as friends or whatever but like 1 guy was a tramp and that. And the other was a woman who lived up by me. My towns got a load of characters I could write an album about lol.

    Anyways, yh I didnt think bout that chizop. A bridge might go well with it, ill see bout workin with that.

  7. #7
    Registered User chizop34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    Fo Sho Glad to Help ya Out!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    good, emotional, solid, hook is good, bridge would fit nicely, verses are sound for the most part. keep up

  9. #9
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleep At Night

    yeah this one goes hard. Needs a 3rd verse.

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