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Thread: Old Dope Fiend Feelins

  1. #1
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    skillfulgil's Avatar
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    Default Old Dope Fiend Feelins

    I sit behind a hard brittle substance,
    engulfed, smoldering, hazy, out of runs,
    I ponder carefully the purpose of my demise to a substance that's inhuman,
    I predict the same outcome if not truly dedicated and committed,
    My outcome? time wasted, days without return;
    Remembering the pain that slices through memories of degradation,
    demise, turmoil, suffering,
    Unbalanced with a touch of happiness 6 times a year,
    But can I really consider it happiness for if to be happy,
    I must be poisoned by some foreign substance taking the place of endorphins?

    THIS WAS THE OLD ME!! Don't get shit twisted here!
    Code:
    Young Ef dont speak to me as if i actually like u
    skillfulgil Im being polite sister U earned it
    Young Ef thats like putting a random penis in your mouth and swollowing its contents
    skillfulgil tryin to show respect
    Young Ef i aint nobody u need to show respect to
    skillfulgil U see!
    Young Ef more like someone u should ignore
    skillfulgil If respect is a penis, then Here take these NUTS!
    Last edited by skillfulgil; 07-03-2009 at 1:41 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old Dope Fiend Feelins

    this was a cool spoken word piece, would make a good intro or skit on a cd or something

  3. #3
    Registered User chizop34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old Dope Fiend Feelins

    Deep

  4. #4
    Senior Member jefpeace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old Dope Fiend Feelins

    I like it except for the last two lines ... the pattern breaks down here and it shifts from intelligent intrinsic musings to gramatically incorrect and somewhat incohesive rambling.

    I dunno ... maybe instead the lines should read something along this vein:

    But can I really consider it happiness if it is achieved
    only by some foreign substance replacing my missing endorphins?

    I don't want to offend, I think it's excellent writing, it's just those last two lines ...

    peace

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