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Thread: my story

  1. #1

    Default my story

    This is without a doubt the soppyest thing ive ever written, i jotted it down when i broke up with my girlfriend. I was feeling really low and just writin this and gettin it out made me feel better so i though it deserved to be posted.

    im gunna start a story that youve all heard before
    the one where the dad leaves the kid at aged four
    i know that youve heard it, i know that its old
    but just listen up as the story is told
    the young boy in question is writing this rhyme
    bout the things in his head that he's seen over time
    a story about all the hate, love and pain
    and about one mans mission to tell you his name
    this boys name is dan and from his youngest years
    he's had all the smiles, and his fair share of tears
    his daddy walked out left his mum on her own
    with three little kids and she still didnt moan
    this mum was a saint, she did all that she could
    but boys will be boys just like this one would
    bought home by the feds at all times of the night
    put stress on his mother, she gave up the fight
    as this little boy so frustrated and scared
    was full of such hatred, with evil he stared
    no one could guess what went on in his head
    apart from the boy who knew it was dread
    he dreaded the day that he came home to find
    his mummy had left like his dad did that time
    thats why he played up to see if she'd care
    all to make sure she still knew he was there

    im takin you foward to two thousand and seven
    the year that this boy thought he'd found his own heaven
    it lay in a girl, dark hair and dark eyes
    the love that he felt came as such a suprise
    this girls name is kirsty, a gift from above
    this girl i am sure is his only true love
    whenever she smiled his heart opened wide
    when they walked hand in hand he smiled inside
    it was all going great with dan and his girl
    then out of the blue he was robbed of his world
    as kirsty had left him, couldnt do it no more
    he made some mistakes but his love was still pure
    that night he cried till his tears came out dry
    his life's not worth living but he still has to try
    as he knows that he cant leave his dear mum behind
    in a world that we all know is no where near kind
    but how bad must he feel to be thinking like this
    to think about giving his mum that last kiss
    as he walks out the door knowing this is the day
    that his life shall be over, in the ground he will lay
    maybe he should maybe its for the best
    that this teenage boy should put himself to rest
    this boy once the life and the soul of the party
    now speaks his mind in a way much more arty
    puts his pen to the pad and writes from his head
    thinking about all the things that she said
    how his mates and the drugs were the cause of all this
    was this the real reason or is she takin the piss?
    as he sits with his head lookin up at the sky
    he realised she's right and he really must try
    he's not tryin to say it will be over night
    but he is sayin that he's not giving up on the fight
    cos he can see that there is hope for them yet
    and if it dont work then he'll never forget
    the love that she showed him, the good times they shared
    for in this boys heart they'll forever be paired
    so as he sits wiping the tears from his eye
    thinkin what to right in these final few lines
    he prays to a god that he's not sure is real
    and asks him to rekindle the love that they feel
    as he knows its still there and he knows she does to
    so please take me back and let it be me and you

    By The Way this was more of a poem than a flow so if u were trying to read it as a rap it may not have fitted together too well

  2. #2
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
    Join Date
    14 Nov 2008

    Default Re: my story

    ok, this flowed a lot better than some of yer posts, and its prolly because this was important on a personal level. I recommend that for future posts, use a thesaurus to up yer vocab, I see a lot of elementary rhymes here, thats not always bad but it seems to be a pattern, so up yer vocab and i think you will have some real descent posts. Keep up

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