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Thread: My Pain

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default My Pain

    Just somethin i wrote to Game's Pain. What y'all think?

    I swear to god everybody want me to fail
    it aint hard to tell they wana see me dead or locked in jail
    not stackin mail, bitches on my dick when they walk past me
    the shits gettin nasty, dear lord why am i the black sheep
    gettin sick to death of this nonchalant nonsense
    my own worst enemys my fuckin consciense
    enemies i blocked them, fans i rocked them
    critics i shocked them, bitches i got them
    faggots little fantasies tryna handle me
    damning me all i want is wealth for my family
    not what was planned for me, i want it all
    with my back against the wall, i just wana play ball
    haters they all fall, while they tryna capture me
    they cant catch me cos chrissy got faster feet
    in spite of needs, haters wana fight me
    but i mellow out when they kids wana be just like me

  2. #2
    Banned CeasedThoughts's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Pain

    pretty nice, man..i like how u added muiltiple rymes and the worldplay is good, but, you should add more to it and write more rymes or maybe even a hook to it, good job.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rodimus Rhyme's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Pain

    Thanx for the feedback, much appreciated. Yh Im thinking bout writing maybe another verse and a hook. Iono I'll have to see.

  4. #4
    Registered User leatherface187's Avatar
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    07 Jul 2006
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    westcoast
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    Default Re: My Pain

    pretty good verse kid, the only thing i didnt loike is the word ennimies being used 2 times too close without being the ryming word. thats probably just me though so dont take it personaly
    "come sit, sip from my holey water/ fresh dripped, from the veins of the innocents ive had to slaughter/ imagine the voice of a daughter, begging for the life of a father/ decided ta let him live turned and shot her"
    LEATHERFACE
    back again

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