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Thread: Midnight

  1. #1

    Icon1 Midnight

    The church bells ring twelve
    I awaken from my night slumber
    A full moon smiles sadly
    From her perch in the sky
    As I step out into the lonely street

    Somewhere in the distance,
    A motorist roars down the highway
    All goes silent once again
    As I enter a yard of tombs
    And find my way to a specific marker

    My friend's grave looks up
    At my solemn face
    I shall remember you, my friend
    You died...so young, so bold
    I hope our spirits unite again soon

  2. #2
    Registered User SiRen's Avatar
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    02 Oct 2008
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    Default Re: Midnight

    keep writing,
    because the joint was FiRe ...
    i wanna see/read more from you ...
    i'll be on the look out ...
    "great job"
    ONLY REAL DJs SPEAK WITH THEIR HANDZ

  3. #3
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Midnight

    agreed, this joint was solid

  4. #4
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
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    11 Sep 2008
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    Texas
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    Default Re: Midnight

    Yeah no doubt this is dope. You could shape the imagery a little more. Maybe as you walk down the barren road paved with youthful memories, the thud of your heavy, fatigued footsteps echo faintly into the shadowed night. What about how the peaceful night conceals a cynical frost that bites at your fingertips. you know what im sayin'.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Midnight

    agreed, the more detail you use in your imagery the more you pull the reader into the story and make them feel what you feel, or what you want them to feel. plus i think you'll find that you enjoy and become more proud of your own work. keep up

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