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Thread: lets fix the nation

  1. #1

    Default lets fix the nation

    another short drop, i went for a bit more complex rhyme scheme with this one. What do ya'll think?

    an artistic sadistic realistic young misfit
    with a passion for words saw his chance and he risked it
    i focused my thoughts on the nations depression
    based on repression and obsessive agression
    i thought to myself maybe maybe music will save them
    the government enslaves them depraves them degrades them
    we need a solution we need retribution
    government execution would stop the pollution
    dillusion, illusions and mental contusions
    are all side effenct of this mass prosecution
    carried out by the people in charge of our nation
    so let out the frustration, we must rebuild our foundation
    im crazy in the cranium, skin like Albanians
    flows blow like uranium, a mother fuckin alien
    sent to this earth as the re-birth of damian

  2. #2
    Registered User shushiehmusick's Avatar
    Join Date
    02 Mar 2009

    Default Re: lets fix the nation

    pretty dope

  3. #3
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 Sep 2008

    Default Re: lets fix the nation

    mucho improvement!... Big ups, I definitely liked the flow. What i'd really like to see from you though is a break from the 2-line rhyme pattern. Looking over your last few posts, you tend to stick to that general format. Switch the scheme up a little with techniques such as: carrying a bar right into the next, rhyming in between rhymes, or using metaphores without explicit explanations to the reader/listener... I saw a little of that in this post and it made a significant difference in impression. Keep up.

  4. #4

    Default Re: lets fix the nation

    Thanks for the feedback. I been experimenting a bit more with different rhyme schemes recently. i'll post some up soon so you can check them out. Thanks for reading!!

    Peace V
    im crazy in the cranium, skin like Albanians
    flows blow like uranium, a mother fuckin alien
    sent to this earth as the re-birth of damian

  5. #5
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
    Join Date
    14 Nov 2008

    Default Re: lets fix the nation

    like i said, very good, much improved. I agree with Mic 100%. the great thing about writing rap is making it your own. if sticking to the format is u then thats u but at least venture outside it and experiment so u can see which style is best for u. keep up


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