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Thread: keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

  1. #1
    Registered User leatherface187's Avatar
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    Default keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

    blood curds and burst through veigns for a split second
    the victims breathing again hes considered less than
    a man, in pain, considdered it a blessin
    with lack of oxigyn reformatting his brain
    inside the electrodes were popping
    secreting adreneline non stopping
    while his mind was walking
    wandering into the valley of death
    slowly countinting each and every step
    reapers comin for him he can feel his breath
    aint no fear here he was ready for rest
    but the fire came quick and so did the shadows
    he feels real sick and his breathing shallows
    he screams for this to be the last battle
    chest heaves and twich but the lungs still rattle
    doesnt fight back for he has not the might
    he welcomes the flickerng of the fires light
    smoke engulfs him and this the end of his plight
    he has no next of kin no notifying his wife
    this man was a john doe comotose for half of his life
    now his struggle had ended doctors pulled the plug on him tonight
    no more pain to forever boom in his mind like thunder
    now hes gone too soon never mourned put asunder
    hes burried in a roadside tomb headstone with a number
    no name for which to loom over his thoughtless slumber
    "come sit, sip from my holey water/ fresh dripped, from the veins of the innocents ive had to slaughter/ imagine the voice of a daughter, begging for the life of a father/ decided ta let him live turned and shot her"
    LEATHERFACE
    back again

  2. #2
    Black Wallstreet Distrbtr PDP's Avatar
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    Default Re: keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

    nice piece of poetry you got there man, didnt get it at first, but after I read it again I knew what you were doing there.


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  3. #3
    Heroin Addict JPimpitone's Avatar
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    Default Re: keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

    for me it described lonliness... my biggest fear. good job, im feelin it

  4. #4
    Registered User leatherface187's Avatar
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    Default Re: keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

    people never check the creative writing no more, thats sad cause its one of the most realest form of personal feelings and one of the best ways to show your lyrical prowes(sp)
    "come sit, sip from my holey water/ fresh dripped, from the veins of the innocents ive had to slaughter/ imagine the voice of a daughter, begging for the life of a father/ decided ta let him live turned and shot her"
    LEATHERFACE
    back again

  5. #5
    Livin the Atheist life Cesare Borgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: keystyle "John Doe" leave feedback please

    Have you been reading Edgar Allen Poe again? that's what that shit makes me think of, all in all it's fucking tight and flows good.

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