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Thread: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

  1. #1
    Banned Serie's Avatar
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    Default Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    Im in love with the dusk and the night sky can you take me with you
    Livin a dream since 07 god knows im grateful
    Eventualy friends fade away when teens change styles
    I held on to the goods ones they be keepin me alive
    But no matter how many people hate you youll always have yourself
    No love for the dick riders they slaves to them selves
    So i get high at night playin classics by my bedside
    Blinds fully open let the moon shine in givin dim light
    It amazes me and makes me proud how stevie made it big being blind
    Playin the keys and singing with choirs bringin tears 2 my eyes
    Ive fallen in love so many times deeper than ever it never fades
    In this moment im in love but wont let it out cuz im afraid (No Homo Lol)
    Im in love with her but is she in love with me
    Am i thinkin str8 or am i livin fantasys
    Theres 2 kind of females in this world hoes and women
    I love to toss a bitch but rather some1 to luv and care for under my wing
    Who woulda thought what id end up like from being a kid to man
    Id die and lose my joy of life if i slipped outta my state of mind
    Music changes my humor could be singin i love the world then fuck it
    Na i aint crazy just alive inside
    Got so much hate cuz i gave em love and they took it
    I cant remain happy for long knowin someones gettin bullied
    Saw on the news a young girl hung herself fucked the phone thru the telly
    Why do they do it dont they releasie the pain they cause
    I try to help the kids and teens who suffer cuz i was theres its rough
    Reborn so aint no fuckin anymore see you fuckin with him ima fuck with you
    Pullin blades cuz your mates lookin screamin you aint scared dumb fool
    Tryna wake up the world but they trapped in routine
    Teach em something the next day they forgot what it means
    I love my family but they the same thinkin im goin insane
    Tellin me i need a job get the up and get paid
    But until i leave ima search and learn help the peeps of today
    If im an artist i can be a role model there aint no other way
    So i dedicate my life to music hopin to make it
    and if i dont someone will get it and change shit

  2. #2
    Senior Member Keen Mind's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    this drop was cool....

    "Tryna wake up the world but they trapped in routine
    Teach em something the next day they forgot what it means"

    that line jumped off the page at me, so much truth in so few words, and there was plenty of other lines that were good and overall this was a cohesive, well written piece. keep up

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    I Appreciate Thiz Fam

  4. #4
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    this is straight...I think you should add a hook though to break it up and add a little more structure to it. The topic is a good one and the rhymes aren't too bad. The only other thing is I couldnt really catch the flow too well, but that may be my fault...All in all, I liked it

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    I Was Fucked Up When I Did This So It Could Be A Lil Messed Up Lol Thankz

  6. #6
    Livin the Atheist life Cesare Borgia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    Like what was said before, the structure could use some work but the overall rhyme was decent, i would suggest breaking it down and expanding it into 2 or three verses with their own topics rather than clumping them together, that way the message comes out a bit more clear and organized, some of it seemed pretty random the way it was written together.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Just random shit im feelin 2nite

    alright

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