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Thread: Is this good?

  1. #1

    Default Is this good?

    This is my first rap ever, some guy name jarenb started beef wit me on a differnt forum, so i tried to spit back, but ill be putting this in audio.
    btw can somebody tell me how to do punchlines?

    jaren b why u wanna start shit wit me? one day ull relize not to fuck with me
    and when im finished wit yo ass is gonna flea, cuz u aint nothin but a pussy

    motha fucka yous been talkin to much shit,u only mad cuz yo mom likes my dick in her clit.
    yous a mothafuckin jeolous bitch when it comes to me,only bcuz ur names jaren b

    you a young ----- tryna act hard,,when you step to me ima beat ur ass n lock u in da barg
    me n shane p will wreck yo game,so bad we'll put yo ass in shame

    Mothafucka ill burn yo house down to the ground, While you climbing down da latta ull be callin out fo mc shatta,
    but ima spit my rhymes n leave you both in a disasta.

    motha fucka what you got to say? N please dont say ur gay, cause we all know
    so sit the fuck down n listen to my flow

    yous prolly gonna throw a fit when you hear dis,yo mamas pussy taste like
    an old dirty clit,only bcuz jarenb be hittin da shit,Jaren b loves havin
    family fests,cuz u aint nothin but a fuckin incest

    This white boy sounds like hes on crack, bitch ass hoe cant even post up decent track

    you know you nothin but a motha fucka think he got game but he knows all his shits lame,
    yous about to get embarrased by me and shane p,you punk ass emo you aint got shit on me

    everybody knows white boys like u cant fight,ima beat chu up n jack yo bike,

    mothafucka yous neva seen a clit,cuz u aint got no hoe no bitch or no dick
    Last edited by Mjooce; 18-07-2006 at 8:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Heroin Addict JPimpitone's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Jan 2006
    St. Louis

    Default Re: Is this good?

    this should be in the creative writing section

  3. #3
    Administrator Crazy Pellas's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Nov 2004
    Glasgow, Scotland

    Default Re: Is this good?

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  4. #4
    Registered User leatherface187's Avatar
    Join Date
    07 Jul 2006

    Default Re: Is this good?

    its good as a start man, read a thesaurus if you need ta find some differant words cause some of that was real repeditive
    "come sit, sip from my holey water/ fresh dripped, from the veins of the innocents ive had to slaughter/ imagine the voice of a daughter, begging for the life of a father/ decided ta let him live turned and shot her"
    back again

  5. #5
    Livin the Atheist life Cesare Borgia's Avatar
    Join Date
    29 Nov 2004
    Westcoast USA

    Default Re: Is this good?

    mad cuz yo mom likes my dick in her clit.
    I tryed to put my dick in a clit once and it diddent work so good, anybody know what im doing wrong?

    Anyhow, Im not fealing this much, your to repetitive and dont have much in the way of lyrics, just keep working on it and ONLY write when the mood strikes you, NEVER try to force it, if your stuck and get writers block just put the pen down and come back to it when your more inspierd, id sugest keeping a mini notepad in your back pocket so that you dont loose anything that you think of.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Is this good?

    its good fa a first.yea keep writing you'll get better.

  7. #7
    Senior Member MicMonster's Avatar
    Join Date
    11 Sep 2008

    Default Re: Is this good?

    it FEELS like a "first time rap". You're probably trying too hard. You just gotta let it flow homie. Also you have some really simple lines here. lol. You got those Dr. Seuss rhymes. Nothin wrong with that but you might wanna throw some complexity in there.

    rough example:
    The pen is my sword, I bring you back to the medievals, get in ya cerebral and cut down any notion of an equal.

    Keep at it, you'll get better though. Oh and, u dumb foo.

  8. #8
    Elite Producer Damnage's Avatar
    Join Date
    24 May 2007
    East Haven, Connecticut, United States

    Default Re: Is this good?

    eh, not really feelin it....the way i see it, if you gotta swear every line or every other line. you need to pick up a book...


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