I might add, i went to see this in the theatre and man did it blow! avoid this movie at any cost!

Guide to ratings symbols:

* * * * - Plan your schedule around it
* * * - See it when you can
* * - Worth a look if you're bored
* - Don't waste your time
&#$! (Bomb) - Avoid at all costs
# Running time: 89 min.
# Genre: Comedy
# Distributor/Producer: Lions Gate Films
# Director: Trent Cooper
# Screenplay: Jonathan Bernstein and James Greer
# Cast: Larry the Cable Guy, Joe Pantoliano, Joanna Cassidy, Iris Bahr, Megan Price
# MPAA Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual content, and for language


As those of you who enjoy the namesake comedian's stand-up routines are going to see "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" anyway, let's jump right into confirming the suspicions of the rest of you, who want to know just how awful it is.

Every once in a while comes a film that rattles our faith in humanity, but I didn't expect another so soon on the heels of "Date Movie," whose flatulence jokes have now been thoroughly out-gassed.

Whenever the sleeveless and scruffy self-proclaimed redneck comedian Larry - whose humor, compared with cohort Ron White on "Blue Collar Comedy Tour," is like a faulty spark plug next to a nuclear reactor - isn't pensively biting on his chaw, he's barking out obscene one-liners in a guttural, noxious stream of little nasty explosions. He's a greasy, oil-burning joke jalopy.

Surprisingly, his catch phrase, "Git 'er done!," appears only once in the film and a few more times on the outtake reel. I would applaud the restraint, but then I can't forget the alarming lack of restraint in that bathroom montage; trust me, you don't want details.

The plot about Larry, a health inspector who gives up his usual greasy spoons to tackle the mystery of serial food poisonings in the city's swankiest restaurants, is merely an excuse for a series of little sub-sketches, populated by stiff actors and novice screenwriters who delight in mispronunciations of terms such as "penal code."

Among the many ribald, unnecessary characters is Larry's neighbor Donnie (David Koechner), a mentally retarded man who bounces a soccer ball into his own face and curses. Ha.

Larry woos cute Jane (Megyn Price) at a shopping mall by making wanton gestures while she adjusts the lingerie on a mannequin. Let me repeat: he woos an attractive woman employed at a women's underclothing store by standing in a store window, her prince in shredded flannel, making lewd gestures and generating a stream of euphemisms for brassieres.

He meets her mother in another of the sub-sketches. The mother (Lisa Lampanelli) is a massive, rude, ugly couch potato with a mountainous ash tray and a taste for cheap wine coolers, but Larry isn't shy: "I love sassy fat chicks," he declares.

Whether he and his uptight sidekick Butlin (Iris Bahr) will unravel the mystery of the poisonings is of no importance, nor is making a worthwhile film important to first-time feature-length director Trent Cooper - not so long as there is a digestive condition left to lampoon.

The only joy here is the appearance of Thomas F. Wilson, who had disappeared from my radar screen since 1985, when he played bully Biff Tannen in "Back to the Future." At first I was baffled by his casting as Bart, Larry's boss at the health department.

But after Biff... er, Bart... shook in anger and exasperation and very nearly told his incompetent underling to "make like a tree and get outta here," I laughed and laughed, realizing Biff finally found his hair, and a shirt-and-tie job in a gray office, the apropos destiny of a washed-up bully.

He delivers a key line in this exchange:

Bart: Like the song goes, you must have friends in high places.

Larry: No, that's friends in low places.

Bart: Different song.

If you get the joke, and this review hasn't alarmed you, go see the film. You'll love it.