Few jokes

A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches. After a thorough examination, the doctor
turned to him and said: "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration." "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches you've been experiencing. So the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he eventually left the hospital Jerry was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt not to have a
headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also knew that he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a fresh start and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought to himself a new suit would be the perfect thing to mark this new beginning.
He entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said: "Let's see... size 44 long?"
"That's right, how did you know?" said Jerry, laughing.
"I've been in the business 60 years!" replied the tailor.
Jerry tried on the suit and it fitted like a glove. As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman
asked: "How about a new shirt?"
Jerry thought for a moment and then agreed.
The salesman eyed Jerry again.
"Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16-and-a-half neck?"
Once again, Jerry was surprised.
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Like I said, I've been in the business 60 years!"
So Jerry tried on the shirt, and it was a perfect fit. As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked: "How about new shoes?" Jerry was on a roll and so thought, why not?
So the salesman eyed Jerry's feet and said: "Let's see... you must be a size nine-and-a-half?"
Jerry was astonished. "That's right, how did you know?"
"Well, young fella, I've been in the business long enough to know these things!"
Jerry tried on the shoes and they were also a remarkable fit. Jerry walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked: "So that only leaves the new underwear. How about it?"
Jerry thought for a second and agreed.
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said: "Let's see... size 36."
Jerry laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head. "There's no way. I'm never wrong. You can't wear a size 34."
"Oh yes I can," replied Jerry and have been most of my life.
"I don't understand," said the tailor. "By my reckoning a 34 underwear would press your testicles up
against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

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A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few tokes together.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard climbs down the tree, ditty bops on thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink.
Well, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in a tree and smoking a joint with the monkey and got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he's gotta check this hippie monkey out and walks off into the jungle where he finds the tree where the monkey is still sitting and toking on the joint.
He looks up and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "ffuuucccckkkk dude.............how much water did you drink?!!"

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

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An old Indian was asked what his wife's name was. "Wife Name Three Horse."
thats an unusual name for a horse, what does it mean " nag, nag, nag"