How the pirate lost his eye

A young sailor sits in a tavern drinking one night. He notices a pirate sitting in a dark corner. He sees that the pirate has an eye-patch, a hook hand, and a peg leg. Thinking that the pirate has an interesting story to tell, he walks over and sits down, and begins talking to the pirate.

'How'd you get your peg leg?' he says.

'Well, one night, I was standing on the deck of me ship, the waves were ragin', and it was so black you couldn't even see your hand in front of yer face. Well, the giant squid, he slid a tentacle up on deck, wrapped it around me, and pulled me into the sea. As I was fightin' the giant squid, he got me unawares and snapped me leg off in his 'orrible beak! That's how I got me peg leg.'

The young sailor is impressed by this. He asks about the hook hand.

'Well, three days later, I was floatin' around in the ocean, waitin for a ship to pick me up, and the great white shark came up. Whilst I was fightin the great white shark, he caught me unawares and snapped me hand off in his razor sharp teeth! That's how I got me hook hand.'

The young sailor is awed by what a life this man must lead. 'How'd you lose your eye?' he asks.

'Well, I was just walkin' down the street on day, when a seagull flew directly overhead. I looked up at him, and he shat right in me eye!'

The sailor says 'What!? That's how you lost your eye?'

The pirate replies 'Well, it was me first day with the hook!'